Unforeseen Repercussions

😔

I will have to get a bit personal if you will excuse me. Recently I realized that I did not know a group of people as well as I thought I did, and in return they do not know me as well as they think they do. This was rather painful as I saw these people like my personal brothers and sisters 💔 

A particular incident happened after I asked for some support. I unjustly lost a job and had gone through a tremendous amount of stress 😣 Outside of one person, instead of support 🙏 I got "tough love" 💣 Now I understand where the first person was coming from, and now see better why they said what they said. However, they made some false assumptions that deeply offended my character 😡


The tremendous amount of stress I mentioned before was due to PTSD that came after the unjust job termination. This intense amount of stress was very recent, and very raw. So when the first person came forth, I was so in shock that I could not really process the implication of what was being said to me. But after processing it I proceeded to get extremely upset! 💥

This had unforeseen ramifications as the following person who tried to reach out to me afterwards unfortunately caught me at the wrong time. My walls were WAY up and I was super-defensive. I proceeded to do things that I now regret and damaged the relationship between us. Things continued to get worse as I did try to apologize, but it was too soon.

Realizing that I needed to give the other person some space to be more receptive to my apology, I then had to completely distance myself from the group altogether.

Right before Christmas I returned back to the group. Since neither the other members of the group and I bothered to stay connected over the years. I now know that they and I were no longer on the same page. So then I opened up to the group and explained how they may not know me as well as they thought they did. I did not get any feedback so I further explained myself.

Immediately I got a response, but the person did not want me to continue "explaining myself" and to just stop. I later learned that they were just setting up boundaries between us, but I already had let them know that I would respect their wishes. However, I also do not think the person realizes what exactly respecting the boundaries mean.

In my explanations, I mentioned God and Christianity since my faith was extremely important to me. Therefore, when the person asked me to stop, that basically equals a rejection and I could no longer open up and share what I am going through. This is in order to not talk about God and Christianity. So instead of this single person, I had to extend my 🙊 to the group.

Now there was another member who did try to understand where I was coming from, and the two of us at least talked. Unfortunately, this same person went behind my back to try and reconcile the broken relationship between myself and the other person. I do understand why this was done, but it left a sour taste in my mouth and I cannot trust this person as much anymore.

The reason for this post is to share how, despite good intentions, approaching someone incorrectly and under false pretenses can have unforeseen repercussions. Unintentionally the first person to reach out to me after I asked for support proceeded to damage the relationship with the next person to reach out and myself. Keep in mind this was done without the first person not saying or doing anything directly. This then escalated into the rest of the group, and the repercussions are still being felt several months later.

My takeaway is that we need to be careful when approaching each other with "tough love." Examine the state of mind the recipient is possibly in, make sure you have accurate details, and ask yourself if this is the best time to "be real" 💪 If the recipient asks for support then just PLEASE simply provide the support they ask for! In my case, the first person should have waited at least one month before giving me "tough love." Instead of 💓 I got the exact opposite 💔

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